By My Hand

I was very sick for a very long time, the worst of it went on for over 20 years. That all ended at the age of 51 when I had most of my colon removed laparoscopically. The ‘most of it’ part is a very important distinction but I’ll spare everyone the details. Since my surgery it’s as if I’ve been given a second chance at life. I’m not physically perfect but by light years I’m not that guy anymore either.

I had moments throughout my sick decades when I was able to work and be a productive person. I also had some brief periods when I was actually in something like top form, when whatever I was doing at the time in terms of treatment effectively beat back what was causing my problems to the point where the ‘real’ Donald, as we like to say around here, briefly emerged.

But for the most part, it was bad. I remember I used to have responsibilities and things to do and I would look at those tasks as if they were akin to building a rocket that would go to Mars. Simple things. Straightening out my desk. Making a few phone calls. Hanging a picture. I just couldn’t get it together to accomplish much of anything.

But what I remember most is this feeling I used to get on the rare occasions when something actually got done. It feels creepy now to even recall it as a feeling but, at the time, it was overwhelmingly powerful. After doing something incredibly small and simple that desperately needed to be done I would sometimes literally sit there in awe staring at my finished work with this stupid thought (the title of this post) pulsing through my consciousness. By my hand, something actually got done around here. IDK. Probably just took the garbage out or something.

So probably a very few of you reading this know I suffer from an EPIC delusion: that my suggestion in a New York Times comments section back in October of last year is what triggered the #metoo movement. Actually, it’s not a delusion. I know exactly what I did and I’m still waiting for the world to catch up. You can investigate further if you’re interested by finding (and following) me on Twitter at @50lux14

I’m just so glad that, despite thinking I helped set off a world-wide phenomenon, I’m not walking around with this phrase clanging around in my head. šŸ˜‰

donald barnat

AKA ‘jammer’


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